Saturday, September 24, 2011

dothack G.U. and Roots list of couples - The Grand Orgy

This series is a f*** barrel

So in preparation for a long series on the .hack franchise and every anime and game under that brand name, I found myself analyzing the various romantic couples in each series, and noting how none of them are fully flushed out, confirmed, or even remotely normal. Subaru and Tsukasa (lesbians or best friends? No wait they’re really lesbians after doing some research), Kite and Blackrose (unconfirmed and implied?), Shugo and Rena (a seriously messed up twincest story), and eventually ending the series with what I think will be Saika and Tokio (master and perverted sex slave, respectively). 

But when I got to .hack//G.U. I started to wonder…….should Haseo be with Shino or Atoli? On the other hand, there’s also Haseo and Alkaid. Then I remember the horrid wedding ending with Haseo and Endrance. So now I’m reminded of all the endings with multiple characters. Then I remember people like Pi have more prominent love interests than Haseo, like her thing going on with Yata. So I started a list of every romantic relationship featured in .hack//G.U. and .hack//Roots.

And now I realize that the entire story arc of The World R:2 is an orgy of Haseo and 50 other people confined to a telephone booth. What the hell is the matter with this series? Where in God’s name do I even begin?

Haseo x Shino, Haseo x Atoli, Ovan x Shino, Sakaki x Atoli, Sakaki x Aida Egg, Aida x Sakaki, Aida x Atoli, Aida x Atoli the GU Trilogy version where she mutates into a monster, Haseo x Alkaid, Haseo x Endrance, Endrance x Mia, Endrance x that Aida cat on his shoulder that is smaller than his fist and totally not Mia, Silabus x Gaspard, Haseo x Silabus, Haseo x Gaspard, Zelkova x Kaede, Haseo x Kaede (WTF), Zelkova x Haseo, Haseo x Pi, Pi x Yata, Aida x Pi, Pi x Pie, Pi x Her Algebra Teacher (who was probably Yata), Yata x The World, Yata x Ovan, Aida x Aina, Ovan x Aina, Aida x Ovan, Aura x Aina, Ovan x His Left Hand, Aida x His Left Hand, Aida and His Left Hand x Corbenik together, Aida and His Left Hand x Shino, Haseo x Kuhn, Kuhn x Any girl that walks by, Saku x Endrance, Haseo x Saku, Saku x Bo, Haseo x Bo, Sam Flynn x Quorra, Kevin Flynn x Quorra, Kevin Flynn x CLU aka Kevin Flynn #2, Azure Kite x Haseo, Azure Balmung x Haseo, Azure Orca x Haseo, Azure Kite x Azure Balmung, Azure Kite x Azure Orca, Azure Balmung x Azure Orca, Azure Kite Balmung Orca x Haseo all at once, Azure Kite Balmung Orca x Ovan all at once, Azure Kite x The World, Azure Kite x Aura, Azure Kite x Shino, Azure Kite x Ovan, Azure Flame God Kite x Skeith, Atoli’s Wrist x Box Cutter, My Wrist x Box Cutter, Haseo x Bordeaux, Negimaru x Bordeaux, Bordeaux x Alkaid via Aida rape, Gabi x Haseo, Gabi x Bordeaux, Gabi x Guy-Sensei, Haseo x Sasuke, Haseo x Sakura, Sasuke x Sakura, Ender x Naobi, Ovan x Bset, Haseo x Saburou, Ender x Saburou, Ender x Haseo, Creepy guys posing as girls in Roots x Haseo, Creepy guys x each other, Haseo x Haseo Grunty, Sakisaka’s foot x Ovan’s Grunty, Tabby x Haseo, Tabby x Phyllo, Phyllo x Haseo, Tabby x Haseo part 2, Haseo x Shino part 2 (I consider the relationships at the end of GU to be different than people who left Haseo in Roots because now Haseo is a different person), Harald x Emma, Jun Bansyoya x Aura, Antares x Haseo, Haseo x Matsu, Haseo x Natsume, Natsume x Azure Kite, CC Corp x Money, Bandai x Money, Namco x Money, Namco x Bandai, Namco Bandai x Money, Haseo x Skeiiiiiiith, Atoli x Innis, Kuhn x Magus, Yata x Fidchell, Saku x Gorre, Bo x Gorre, Endrance x Macha, Pi x Tarvos, Ovan x Corbenik, Skeith x Innis, Skeith x Magus, Skeith x Fidchell, Skeith x Gorre, Skeith x Macha, Skeith x Tarvos, Skeith x Corbenik part 1, Skeith x Corbenik part 2, Atoli Kuhn Yata Saku Bo Endrance Pi Ovan x Haseo and Skeith all at once, that same scene x Captain Planet, Haseo and Super Skeith x Cubia, and we finally end with Haseo x Ovan

All of these romances were completely flushed out, totally developed to the full extent, each had a full story arc, and was completely believable. I did not make any of this up and none of them were a stretch to be included.

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